Hi Reader
I walked into my client’s office all full of the joys. I changed tact quickly though as she was looking exhausted.
"My team keeps coming to me with problems," she said. "I solve them quickly because I have the experience. But somehow, more problems keep appearing."
She runs a luxury hotel group here in Mallorca. Smart leader. Great results. But drowning in other people's problems.
The chat took off something like this.
"How often do they bring you problems?" I asked.
"Every day…..sometimes every f%$king hour."
"And how quickly do you solve them?"
"Immediately. That's my job, isn’t it?"
That's when the issue became clear. She thought helping was leadership. But helping (or over-helping) had become the very thing destroying her team's ability to lead themselves.
Here’s how we unpacked and addressed it…..
The Problem That Hides in Plain Sight
Here's what most leaders in sport and business don't see: When you solve problems for capable people, you're not helping them. You're teaching them to be helpless.
Read that again, it’s important.
It feels good to help. It feels productive. It feels like leadership.
But every time you jump in with a solution, you send the invisible message…"I don't trust you to figure this out."
Your team receives that message loud and clear. So they stop figuring things out.
What Doesn't Work (The Logical Approach)
Most leadership advice says: "Delegate more. Empower your team. Step back."
Our main character had tried all of this. She'd told her managers to "take ownership." She'd sent them to leadership courses. She'd created decision-making frameworks.
All the boxes ticked, seemingly.
Nothing changed. They still brought her problems.
Why? Because she was still solving them when they did.
You can't teach independence by being available for dependence.
The Reverse Psychology Solution
Instead of telling her team to stop bringing problems, I suggested something counterintuitive: Make bringing problems uncomfortable.
Not through punishment. Through process.
Here's what we implemented. I called it, for simplicity, the three-solution rule.
The Three-Solution Rule
When someone brought her a problem, she couldn't offer her solution until they presented three potential solutions first.
For example, a manager could come to her and say "I need your help with a catering issue"
Her new response: "Show me three approaches you've considered, then I'll add my perspective."
The 24-Hour Buffer
For non-urgent issues, she implemented a waiting period. Problems brought on Monday couldn't be discussed until Tuesday.
This sounds harsh. But here's what happened: Most problems got solved without her.
The Solution Ownership
When they did discuss problems, she made them choose the solution. Even if she had a better idea.
Her job became improving their solutions, not replacing them.
All simple solutions but not easy…the weaning process was a little challenging!
What Happened Next
Week one was chaos. Her managers were frustrated. They wanted quick answers.
Week two brought complaints. "You're not being supportive" one said.
Week four, something shifted. Problems started arriving with potential solutions attached.
By week six, the number of problems reaching her desk had dropped by 60%.
But here's the real transformation: The quality of solutions improved. Her team started thinking creatively because they knew they couldn't just hand problems over.
The Psychology Behind the Method
When you solve problems immediately, you train people's brains to stop thinking when challenges arise.
It's like carrying someone everywhere instead of letting them walk. Their muscles don't develop. In fact they waste away.
You facilitate learned helplessness. The net result is that people are too reliant on you and you immerse into a damaging spiral of over-ownership.
By making problem-solving slightly harder consistently, you force people’s mental muscles to grow.
The temporary discomfort creates permanent capability. The same process as building muscle.
The Three Levels of Help
There are three ways to help someone with a problem:
Level 1: Solve for them This creates dependency. They learn to wait for you.
Level 2: Solve with them This creates partnership but still makes you essential to the process.
Level 3: Help them solve it themselves This creates capability. They can handle similar problems without you.
Most leaders get stuck at Level 1 because it feels most helpful in the moment, you get a result and you feel needed. But you’re really just fostering neediness.
But Level 3 is what actually develops people.
Your Problem-Solving Assessment
Look at the problems people bring you this week. Ask:
- Could they solve this with guidance instead of solutions?
- Am I solving this because it's faster or because they can't?
- What would happen if I delayed my response by 24 hours?
The answers reveal whether you're helping or creating dependence.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Helping
The hardest part of this approach isn't the process. It's the feeling.
Watching someone struggle with a problem you could solve instantly feels wrong. Your helping instinct screams at you to jump in.
But here's what our hotel CEO learned: "The struggle is where growth happens. When I removed the struggle, I removed their opportunity to develop."
Six months later, one of the most important ‘wins’ was that her stress levels had dropped dramatically. Her team was solving problems she'd never even heard about. And the business was running smoother than ever….at its core was her investing more time ‘on’ the business rather than spending time ‘in’ the business.
The Implementation Strategy
If you recognise this pattern in your leadership, start small:
Week 1: Implement the three-solution rule for non-urgent problems only.
Week 2: Add the 24-hour buffer for anything that isn't genuinely urgent.
Week 3: Practice solution ownership. Let them choose even when you disagree. Patience is vital here…even if things go a little awry.
Week 4: Extend the approach to more complex challenges.
Your team will resist initially. That's normal. You have to be ready for that. Their problem-solving muscles have been dormant.
But just like physical exercise, the discomfort signals growth.
The Transformation Timeline
Days 1-7: Frustration. They want the old, easy way back.
Days 8-14: Reluctant participation. They follow the process but grumble.
Days 15-30: Adaptation. They start preparing solutions before approaching you.
Days 30-50: Independence. Problem-solving becomes their first instinct, not their last resort.
(Note the times above are indicative and not specific….move at the pace that feels right in your context)
Your Leadership Evolution
Your goal isn't to stop helping. Think of it like helping in a way that builds capability instead of dependency.
When you solve problems for people, you help them once.
When you help them solve problems themselves, you help them forever. Like the old wisdom about ‘teaching a man to fish.’
The temporary discomfort of stepping back creates permanent advancement in their capabilities.
That's not just better leadership. That's force-multiplier leadership.
So think about it…What problems are you solving that your team could solve themselves with proper guidance?
P.S. If you see this “helping” pattern in your own leadership, or if you want to explore how to build team capability without creating the chaos that often comes with stepping back, let's have a conversation. The most effective leaders understand that sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is make helping slightly harder. There's a sophisticated psychology to developing others that goes far beyond standard delegation advice. Choose a time for an initial chat via https://calendly.com/p_clarke/20min
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Thank you for being part of the Leaders Coach community.
The work on how to lead better is something you have to do alone.
But you don't have to do it on your own.
Onward and Upward,
Paul Clarke
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